i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
what is it with giant penises always finding me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
