when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was born a porn star she said
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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