you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
