Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
