i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
