He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
