just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
