I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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