Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
