My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
