why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
