im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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