kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
