I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
