she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
