Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
