Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
