She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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