U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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