So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
