I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
