i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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