I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
