I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
