He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
