I smell stomach acid.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
