He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
worst night to have a conscience
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
