is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
