"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
