I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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