you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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