you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
