When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Randomize
