just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
