My room smells like vodka and shame
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
