I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
