She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
