I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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