so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
