just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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