I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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