if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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