...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
