My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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