I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
