but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you didnt know i had herpes?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
