I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
