she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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