will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this boner is exhausting
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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