Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
