"it" just moved
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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