Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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