went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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